if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
