you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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