This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
no you cant smoke seaweed
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Randomize
