This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
