What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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