Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
