I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
