a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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