watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
