I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
