I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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