You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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