i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
