i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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