I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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