I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
