Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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