Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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