we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
