two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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