My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
