I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
