He kissed a someone with a penis
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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