I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I AM VODKA MAN
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
