Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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