you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
