hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
