Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
