She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
