I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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