Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
