Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
