a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
