I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
