i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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