just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
