I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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