and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
