meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
