I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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