I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
