"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
