Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
