My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
ttyl tear gas
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
