I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
honey bunches of taint.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
