I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
