ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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