I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
