Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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