So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
