Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We're not piercing ourselves today.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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