Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
