You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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